Occasionally in our lives we lose it. We start talking to animals. You realise that work in either your degree or in life is actually fun. You put Cheerios in the microwave, or you advocate that a spinoff programme from a outdated talent contest is one of the best programmes you have ever seen in an online series of television reviews. I should have taken Crack. That would have been a better choice.

Firstly I have to state that I did not set out to watch this programme on purpose.. IT WAS AN ERROR. Every single advert showing Jedward on ITV2 gave me the urge to jump from a medium sized building and damage my ankle (I still have a life to lead). FOLLOW JEDWARD. LIVING THE DREAM it screamed. I would rather see whether the stars of those DFS adverts are actually “living the dream”. I only decided to watch the show after an epic Bank Holiday Monday run of Judge Judy and Paris Hilton’s BFF, and then I couldn’t find the remote.

I wouldn’t say that the show started on the most amazing note either. The first ten minutes document the band’s success so far were like some sort of North Korean propaganda broadcast, but targeted towards an Essex audience. They are big and huge stars, with millions of fans throughout the world (apparently). They are on “the crest of a wave“. Is that tidal? Should we stay away from the coast? I know, let’s insert some shots of screaming people throughout London and then insert some massive back-story to make it seem as if you haven’t heard of them before. Let’s also insert Louie Walsh detailing why he loves them and then some flashbacks that articulate their epicly shite back catalogue, as if you care.

But then the programme takes a golden turn… and trust me when a say this… A GOLDEN TURN. Unlike the Spinal Tap documentary (which is like a Peugeot it takes a little bit get going), Jedward: Let Loose is like a Toyota that revs up, breaks the speed limit and then forgets that they are driving a car. It starts with Jedward arriving in London in a taxi. One of them (and for the rest of this article I am completely unable to articulate the person who I am referring to because they are so fucking identical, so lets introduce Jedward A and Jedward B) screeches “Well we are in London, which is in the city… of er…. England”. It’s just the way he says it. He actually has no clue. Such statements just get better and better throughout the show. After they find out from a newspaper that they are receiving death threats from the Middle East because their hair is deemed to be unacceptable under Fatwa Law, Jedward B (probably) explains “Well we’ll just not go to Iran on our world tour”. When they were asked by their tour manager (who was playing along with this) what Fatwa Law was, their reply was…. “Terrorists?“.

What makes this programme better in some ways than Spinal Tap is that unlike Spinal Tap the show isn’t scripted. They aren’t comedians who try to create a character who is stupid and gullible enough to not realise their own failings. Jedward don’t even need to try. For example, there is a uncomfortable sequence when they ring a sushi restaurant to ask where sushi comes on and where it “all went down”. Jedward A couldn’t pronounce Japan, calling the country “Jaarrpan” instead. After moving into a new flat they spend twenty minutes trying to turn the mains tap on for the water supply, with the logic that as they are now living in an eight story high building they can’t have water because water cannot get that high. My sister came and joined me in watching this programme and immediately yelled out a sentence that ends with the word “fuckwits”. So she must have been really pleased when they realise that in their new flat they didn’t turn the fridge on and several hours later you see Jedward A (?!) shouting  “THERE’S MELTED WATER EVERYWHERE”.

If you’re not convinced that this beats Spinal Tap, and I believe you if you still aren’t convinced, I beg you to give it a try this evening. There is an eerie sense of similarity from Spinal Tap and Jedward: Let Loose in the way that their gigs go from bad to worse. Jedward A severely damages his knee during the opening few minutes of a set on T4 on the Beach and then a few days later Jedward B manages to lose his voice. This then amounts to an incredible sequence at a gig in the programme when Jedward B screams a song completely out of tune, and the other one can’t sing because he forgot to bring his mic on stage, and in crutches, limps off. In Spinal Tap you might get amazing quips about “turning up the music to 11″, but in Jedward: Let Loose you actually start to get concerned that one day they will forget to breath.

I beg you. Tonight give it a go.

Jedward : Let Loose is on ITV2 Tonight at 9pm.

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